The Jungle Cruise Movie plot takes the viewer back to the time of the First World War. The howitzers at Verdun have not yet rattled, which means that the German military machine urgently needs a doomsday weapon. The Entente soldiers seem to have developed immunity to conventional bullets and aerial bombs. The Kaiser had heard plenty of legends about the adventures of the conquistadors and supplied the caricatured German aristocrat with a submarine with a company of black pea jackets. Their goal: to search for magical artifacts in overseas countries. In Latin America, to be precise. It was there, according to legends, that the Spanish conqueror Aguirre (waving his hand to Werner Herzog) managed to find the Tree of Life, whose petals can lift the deceased from the grave and close the living into immortals. It is the most for victory in the Great War.
With such and such preferences and with Reichsmarks in the pocket, the Kaiser’s brother-in-law could easily find the coveted Tree. The plan is working, no doubt, but the elusive explorer Lily and her inconsistent brother McGregor (Emily Blunt and Jack Whitehall), in the best traditions of Dr. Henry Jones, steal the guiding McGuffin right from under the nose of Nemchura and sneak into Brazil. There, at a reasonable price, they hire a two-meter skipper performed by Dwayne Johnson, smash a dozen drunken faces, blow up a port city purely by accident, a la Uncharted, and rush into the jungle. Towards danger, fame and 6+ rating.
And how the hell is it nice when low expectations save a quite tolerable “childish” action movie; from a painful fall into a tub of shit. The fading of the original material, multiplied by repeated transfers due to the “crown”; played into the hands of the tape. “Jungle Cruise” was overexposed in the storeroom for a little over a year; which is why many managed to forget about the picture; and therefore the blatant secondary nature of everything that happens; on the other side of the screen is not so striking.
Watch hocus pocus: the word “cliché” has magically turned into “nostalgic movie.” The festival of expensive CGI with dull vanliners began to feel like a tube trip into the past, when no gray hair peeped out from under Indiana Jones’ hat, and Brendan Fraser went under the table and fantasized how he would hand out Egyptian scum in the Mummy.